Sarah

<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_gBsl7i11-u8/SvZRGYZhchI/AAAAAAAAALs/Q8ChoNi3taM/s1600-h/prison.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 237px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_gBsl7i11-u8/SvZRGYZhchI/AAAAAAAAALs/Q8ChoNi3taM/s320/prison.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401593973148054034" border="0" /></a>no one ever comments here any more, i feel like i'm talking to myself, but i'll continue writing on the off chance someone is.

i think i've found an apartment for next semester/summer/possibly all of next year.  it's less than 1/2 mile from campus, 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom, full kitchen, living room, etc., $575 a month including heat and hot water (not electricity, etc., but most around here don't).  my roommate for at least next semester would be a 5th year in the 5 year master program in the school of education, teaching and taking classes and stuff, so unlikely to overwhelm me with her social life like my current roommates do.

this is entirely too much information, but i had to have a pap smear last week to get my birth control switched (old one had stopped working very well), and of course they go through all the "how many partners, have you ever been assaulted" stuff.  so i've been thinking a lot about the summer before junior year.  depressing, but i've conquered a lot since then, so it's not putting me in a rut.

things are really hectic and stressful, but i've realized something.  i am happier now than i can remember being since before freshman year of high school.  i hate my living situation, i hate my classes, i hate that my body hates me, i hate the fact that i have to be an undergrad for an extra year and i couldn't have realized i wanted to go to med school earlier... but i'm happy.

life is good.  i'm smart; i do well in school and i can be fairly confident that i will someday be accepted to a decent medical school.  i'm healthy; i may break easily and a lot, but i can be confident that i will heal, and i'm not seriously disabled in anyway.  i'm well cared for; i may be too broke for study abroad, but i have managed things so that i am able to attend an excellent university, and i can be fairly confident i won't be ending up on the street or without food anytime soon (though in the future... who knows).  i have incredible friends; it kind of stinks that they're not here with me now, but we'll be together again soon, and i know that they care about me even from several states (or countries) away.  i'm really lucky.

obviously things aren't perfect.  i have a sum total of ~40 pages in papers due in the weeks before thanksgiving, and another 20 in the week after.  i need to find (for certain) an apartment, a job, and figure out what i'm doing about next summer, and, oh yea, the rest of my life.

PS did anyone see that article in the NY Times earlier this week about the protesters of the health reform bill in DC? i loved how the extent of their argument was basically "i like my health care the way it is, screw everyone else."  a lot of them were older white people... of the sort who are on medicare.  if you don't want other people to have it, you should either, dearies.